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06:44pm 13/06/2007
  I just booked our cruise to Cozumel.

I'm about to burst!
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Blake vs. Elroy   
08:13pm 18/04/2007
  Image Hosted by ImageShack.us ... vs. ...Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

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Posted on my door this morning...   
11:43pm 02/01/2007
  "Dear Cedarbrook II residents,

The University of Southern Mississippi will be converting the Cedarbrook II apartments from residential to student/faculty housing on March 1, 2007. The lease agreement requires a 30 day notice to terminate the agreement. In accordance with the lease terms, the current residents under month-to-month lease are being given notice taht USM is terminating the agreement and apartments should be vacated by February 28, 2007."

Everyone in town wants 18 lines of credit and the application co-signed in your mother's blood. Thanks, USM for possibly putting me out in the street in less than 2 months.

This is definitely where I want to get my education.
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01:34pm 27/09/2006
  Okay I might sound like Bower in saying this, but while it was a sloppy win, it was a win nonetheless.

Southern Miss to the Top!
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04:32pm 26/09/2006
  Well I'm now officially a High School Graduate.

Better late than never I guess...

USM here I come...
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07:13pm 14/08/2005
  Today I got the privilege of walking into the bedroom of the guy I've been recently seeing, and finding him in bed naked with another man. Fun times...  
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08:01am 31/07/2005
mood: indescribable
So I have no idea where to begin, but I have been so compelled to write lately, but when I sit down at the computer I have no idea what to say. I just find it funny how life can change so rapidly and I can look back on livejournal and find how much I myself have changed. I've only had this thing for 4 years, and I must say that I don't even know the person I was then. Allison and I reminisced of the days when we could actually have fun sober, like school trips and being mall rats and etcetra. I didn't need beer, bars, or drugs to have a good time, we were just high on life.

Which leads me to say that although I have overcome my drinking problem, that I finally was able to realize was indeed a problem, I still have a lot to come to terms with. And I think that that is the reason I have been so eager to document it all here. And so it begins:

I guess it all started about the time I lost my job. When Kellie fired me it was such a shock and feeling of betrayal. The subsequent consequences of having to move out of the house on Greater Ave. and having virtually no money of my own and my inability to find another job in the same field drove me into a deep depression. The only thing I had was Benji. He was my drive to better and improve myself. I knew that eventually, as long as I had him, I would be okay, that I had it in me to get back on my feet again. I was still at least half complete with him by my side.

So as things went very well, and I decided to make the move to Hattiesburg. The one thing I said I'd never move for was a man, but we all eat our own words at one time or another. The deposits were paid, the truck was rented, and I was certainly ready to get out of the hell-hole that was my mother's. Then I get the phone call. I knew that Benji never called me when our minutes weren't free on our cell phones, so something had to be up. I pulled it out of him after a little coaxing.

"I just want to be single right now."

At first, I wouldn't believe it, I shrugged it off. He didn't really want this, did he? Everyone gets those feelings when they're in a relationship once in a while right? So I said okay, I didn't even get upset. I went to work every day, and Benji still called me every night, and still said "I love you." A few days later, I'm driving down 90, I'm blasting RENT on the radio, and "I'll Cover You" begins to play. I lost it, had to pull over even. That day, Benji came down and held me while I cried. I knew things weren't over between us, that eventually his feeling would pass, and I would be in this kind of denial for at least another month.

I made the move, I transferred jobs, all the necessary stuff. Then we stopped speaking, he stopped calling me, and returning my calls. Seems he had changed his mind about being single, but not about me. This hit me worse than I ever could've realized, as it meant somewhere the fault lied in me. I haven't understood to this day.

After a few weeks went by, I'm seeing some people off and on. I had a friend over, and we're drinking a few beers. It gets late so I decide to take him home. I round the corner on Westover Drive and lo and behold a roadblock is setup where they proceed to pull me over and I get my first and long overdue DUI. Jail was by far a one of the most interesting experiences of my life. I still am very grateful for Julie who came from Ocean Springs to get me out. However, this learning experience put me in financial ruin from which I'm still trying to climb out from.

I'm actually able to have a few drinks now without it being a staple in my daily diet. Before, I guess, I felt that as long as I wasn't awake, I didn't have to hurt. After my DUI, I didn't drink for 2 months, to make sure that I could actually avoid it. Now that I'm back in control of my life, I find myself a much happier, more productive person.

I'm back dieting and working out. Been so for about a month now. Trying to lose some of this what I call "World of Warcraft" weight. I never saw myself as a MMORPG addict but as I said in the beginning, my how we change.

Red Lobster calls. I need to get in the shower. Going to the coast possibly tonight or tomorrow. Depends on how much money I make this morning.
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It gets better and better...   
05:14pm 19/05/2005
  Now my roommates want me out... details later.

I'm such a fuckup
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06:53pm 18/05/2005
mood: lonely
I feel like i have reached the twilight zone of isolation. Why oh why the fuck did I move up here? Oh yeah, for a man. What an idiot.
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07:41pm 16/04/2005
  I am now an official resident of Hattiesburg.

And single.

Life has its funny twists, doesn't it?
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2 months no internet and counting.....   
01:22pm 14/02/2005
  I'm about to die... this no internet thing is killing me. As soon as I can afford to pay off my old Bellsouth bills I'll be back up and running.

I moved into my mom's trailer in Woolmarket. It's basically a shack, but it's rent free and I have half of it to myself, my own private entrance, bathroom, etc., so I don't even have to be bothered if I don't want. I've been laying new carpet and plan on painting as soon as work allows. Hopefully this way I will get my car paid off in a months time and be able to catch back up financially.

I just had the most wonderful Valentine's Day weekend ever. Got Benji a card and some flowers. It was great. Things are definitely looking good for us.
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Still Kickin   
05:04pm 29/01/2005
  I'll be back up and running soon. I'll even be rent-free!!! Talk to you guys soon.
I love you, Benji.
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Fuck life   
01:51pm 17/12/2004
  Due to some bullshit circumstances, I lost my job.

No job.

No internet.

Hope to talk to you guys soon with some actual good news.
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It's colder than a witch's tit in a brass bra face down in the snow!   
01:36pm 14/12/2004
mood: sick

With Christmas steadily approaching, I'm glad I only have one gift to buy, and that's only because I can't NOT get my boyfriend something for Christmas. Robin, Tony, Allison and I have all made it clear that we're being selfish this year and buying for ourselves.

My throat is sore, I know I'm getting sick, and it sucks bad. Benji will be down this weekend and I'll probably give it to him dammit. I really want to go home today, I feel like TRASH, and my boss is in a FOUL mood, so that makes it that much worse.
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And though I'd never show it, I'd be so happy I could... melt.   
10:41am 13/12/2004
mood: ecstatic
Just spent the weekend in Hattiesburg. I had the time of my life. For once someone wants to take care of me. That's not to say that I want to be kept, it just gets tiresome having to pay for everything all the time or making all the decisions. Like the following scenario:

Kyle: What do you want to do tonight?
Boyfriend: I don't know, what do you want to do?
Kyle: I'll do whatever, just give me something.
Boyfriend: I want whatever you want.

ARRRGH it's maddening. Finally someone is like, "We're going out to eat at , then we're going to rent a movie and sit in. Oh, and I'll pay for everything." It's very refreshing. I'm getting him back this next weekend though.

One revelation that was very odd came out this weekend. Benji's mom and my mom are friggin BEST FRIENDS!? How fucked up is that?! I was trippin out when he told me his mom's name and vice versa. Very coincedental.

We're at the mall shopping for Benji a new outfit, and who works at Wilson's Leather other than Ryan, my ex Ryan, that is. And wouldn't you know, with Benji on my arm, he decides to come over and say "Hey." I just kind of nodded, trying to avoid conveying any form of interest in talking to him, as if there were any.

I have Troy psycho_libra to thank for an at least decent picture of Benji and I.

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How about that...   
12:43pm 09/12/2004
mood: loved
Wicked is love
brought to you by the isLove Generator
10:15am 09/12/2004
  I had like 30 pages of an LJ entry all laid out and then BAM! All gone in one swift crash of Internet Explorer. I'll try and remember what it was I was going to write.

I remember what it was like to fall in love with Ryan. I remember that I was so lonely at the time. I just wanted some kind of companionship. I wouldn't call it desperation, but I really liked him. He said "I love you" after 2 weeks. I knew that it was too soon, but I said it anyway, and I really did mean it, at least I thought I did. Looking back, I know that I did love him, just not as much as I thought. We had a lot of good times, and I met a lot of new friends. The distance factor wasn't a problem for me, but apparently it was for him. I still don't really know what happened, but I know he had to many issues with me. Ryan didn't like the fact that I smoked (at the time), he didn't like the fact that I went to bars, or even drank, for that matter, and he really didn't like the fact that I don't attend church. These things I stupidly overlooked, thinking they would work themselves out, when in all actuality, I knew better, I just didn't want to face it. When he broke up with me, I wasn't even half as sad as I thought I would be. Sure, I cried, but not like someone should have if they were in as much love as I thought I was.

It's happening again.

I met Benji, and he's all that I've ever wanted in a man. He's hot, adorable, smart, funny, and a little quirky; all the things I've ever wanted in a man. (Oh, and for the superficial side of me, he's military and drives a truck). I just can't believe that we hit it off as well as we did. Once again, I'm scared to death, because I feel he is so perfect for me, and that if things don't work out, I'll never find a man as perfect for me as he. I know that I can't think that way if things are going to work, but it's hard to help. He assured me that he would hurt me, but heh, I've heard that one before. But his personality is unlike anyone I've ever dated. Benji is the most genuine person I have ever met. I just feel myself falling for him more and more every day. He said that on our first date, when we kissed, his heart was about to jump out of his chest, and that had never happened before. We talk on the phone for hours and never get tired. I know that every time you fall in love it's different, but this time it's so different it seems almost unreal. I've decided, however that I'm going to try and enjoy it as much as I can, until I'm more comfortable with our relationship. It's not that I think he's going to hurt me, it's more that it's just a new feeling.

I'm leaving tomorrow to spend the weekend with him. I'm very excited.
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Either my kidneys are really happy, or my liver is extremely angry with me...   
11:27am 06/12/2004
  So this weekend was fun. Lots of booze. Got a new man, will post pics soon.
Moving in with Robin at the end of the year, we'll see how that works out. You never know...
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A New Obsession   
08:56am 19/11/2004
mood: bouncy
Ok so seeing Rent this past weekend really rejuvenated me. I have been so "stage depressed" after the close of Rocky that I was wondering when my love of the stage would return. Well that did it. I also decided to try and listen to the big buzz that everyone's been talking about lately. A few weeks ago someone said:

"WHAT!!? You've never heard of Wicked???"

Well sure, I'd HEARD of it, but never listened to the Cast Recording or knew anything else about it except that Idina Menzel was the Wicked Witch of the West. I never was a fan of a lot of musical theatre. I disliked Cats, Les Miz depresses me, and I may be the only one on the planet, but I - Don't - Like - Phantom. It's so overrated. I'm a rock musical kind of person, Rocky Horror, Hedwig, Rent. You know.

I listened to Wicked for the first time and now I want to be on the first flight to New York to be at the Gershwin Theatre.

Enough about that. I need to get back to work now.
09:12am 15/11/2004
  Omg saw Rent yesterday in Baton Rouge... fucking awesome... all I can say. We laughed, we cried, all that stuff.

Robin and Tony, at my influence, reconciled after a year. They went with me to see the show, along with Allison. It was a fantastic road trip as well.
I quit smoking, finally. Just cold-turkey quit. I feel better. I smell better.

But I look worse. I packed on those "quitter pounds" because everything food finds its way to my mouth. I've got to cut it out.

Christmas is coming up, we're having it at my house, anyone who wants to come is welcome. I'm cooking big and stuff.
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